2nd family therapy session

We had our second family therapy session with Tator last weekend. I was looking forward to it. All week she had been telling me how she had learned a new coping skill, journaling. I thought this was a good idea because she loves to write and tell stories. I had thought of this before she left here, but the fact that she gets upset and goes from 0 to 60 in the blink of an eye always made me wonder how we could get to that place where I could hand her a pencil and paper and have her start writing about what she's upset about. So when we went into therapy she had pretty much decided that journaling was going to be her answer for everything.

The therapist started out by having Shawn, Tator and I all sit at different spots around the table. Tator and I sat across from each other and Shawn to my left. We were to paint a picture of something about us or something that made us happy. Shawn painted a picture of a buck and an arrow. I painted a picture of the eight kids and I outside playing kick ball with Baby Coco sitting on a blanket beside us. Tator painted a picture huge picture of a castle and a princess with a huge tiara.

I don't know if I ever blogged before about the fact that she has always thought she is a princess. I remember one time in particular when she was very young. She had gotten in trouble and I asked her why she thought she didn't have to listen to any rules. She said because she was the queen and that made her special. We dealt with this issue a lot when we were in attachment therapy.

Anyway, long story short the more we talked she made it clear that she still thinks of herself as the queen/princess and she is more important than the other kids in the family. Her very large painting, that spilled down into mine, and I had to paint around it, was proof of that.

Painting was only one part of the session. While talking with Tator the therapist tried to set her off, but Tator is too smart for that. She held it together. The therapist would ask her questions about what she was going to do when she came home and felt herself getting upset. Her answer was always, journal. The therapist asked her how she was going to know if she was getting upset. She would reply, like it was no big deal, I just will. She was clearly not with us and had no intentions of talking about anything. She had gotten a BK crown right before the session and she just kept throwing it in the air or against the wall and laughing for no reason. I had finally had enough and told her she was done with the crown and I took it. That made her a little upset but not enough to set her off. She then sat there ripping up the painting and stomping her foot as she stared at the ripped up paper.

The therapist asked me how I was feeling and I told them. I said I felt Tator didn't want to come home and wasn't sure why I should believe she was ready. This was making her mad, but not enough to show us how angry she was, she still refused to talk just sat and stared.

Her answer to the therapist every time she asked her what she was going to do every time she got upset at home, she answered, journal. I finally asked her what she really thought would happen if I handed her paper and a pencil when she was mad, she never missed a beat when she answered, hurt you with it. The therapist finally asked her if she had any intention of using her coping skills when she got home and she said No.

It was a very deep and heavy session. I have though about it ever since. When Shawn and I got into the car we both were thinking the same thing. There is no way she is ready to come back here in 3 weeks. We do not have many choices as what to do. The money will run out. The way we see it now we only have 2 options and neither one of them I am ready to blog/talk about yet.