Feeling clueless

Buster is loving going to preschool. He is making new friends and doing a lot of new things. He only goes 2 days a week so he is constantly counting down the days until he can go again.

BUT he is really having a hard time when he comes home in the afternoon. From the time I pick him up, until we can get him into bed at night, he is a mess. He is wound so tight he can't relax and I usually end up sending him out to jump on the trampoline just to get him away from the other kids. He is loud, rough, throwing things, jumping off/on furniture etc..

With Tator being gone there are a lot of things that have become magnified at our house and Busters issues are one of them. He is so sweet and loving and I enjoy him so very much, but all the sudden his switch gets flipped and he goes wild. This is something we have been struggling with for a long time. I always blamed his behavior on what he has grown up seeing from Tator. I always thought if she was not here and I could focus on him his behavior would get better.

From about the time he was 2 I was sure he had Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I would tell him to do something and he would tell me No. It was so tiring fighting with him and I was so exhausted from dealing with Tator that I would just ignore it and go about my way, doing whatever I had told him to do because it was easier than fighting with him. Yep, I know, horrible parenting mistake.

Now that I have more time to fight with devote to the other kids, and energy determination to get it right with them, I am following through and things are changing. And I have to say for the most part things are getting better in that area, but i still have concerns.

Along with the total over stimulation that he is going through after school we deal with things like, total fear of loud things, from the sweeper to the mixer, getting completely out of control in stores. I've noticed that if I raise my voice to him or one of the other kids he will laugh hysterically, or yell and start to go crazy. He does best when you talk softly to him and redirect him somewhere else.

I have been struggling with this for a few weeks now not sure if this is a behavior thing that he can control or something else. He has been the one that has been impacted the most by Tators behavior, he has grown up watching it and sometimes was the one who took the punches. I can't imagine what that has been like for him. I know that nature verses nurture could override on this one and the aggressive strand of DNA he has from his birth family could play a big part in this. So could this be a behavior thing or could it be an overstimulated sensory thing? I'm not sure I don't know that much about sensory disorder.

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions? I would love to hear them. I feel totally clueless on this.

A day of firsts.......(a couple weeks late)

Duckie had his first day of a new job.

He decided not to go back to school this fall

because he wasn't sure he wanted to stick with his 

accounting major. Then got hired as a full time

teller in a bank.

Buc's first day of 9th grade.

Bunny's first day of 6 grade. Still homeschooling.

Bubba's first day of 1st grade,

and not happy about getting back into the swing of things.

He's also still homeschooling.

Buster's first day of preschool. 

This is definitely not Sissy's first day of being cute.

Some random thoughts

* Tator has been gone 7 weeks now. I have talked to her on the phone many times. Last week she was climbing a tree with another girl and a tree limb fell and hit her in the face. She needed to get 7 stitches. Her respite provider took her to the ER to get stitches, but Friday I am taking her to have them taken out. I'm not sure how it is going to go.

* We have decided she needs to go into a RTC and are waiting on approval. I am not sure how things work in a residential or how long she will be there or what I'm going to tell her on Friday when she wants to know when she is coming home.

* I am praying that I don't have a problem finding babysitters while she is there and I need to go and meet with them and visit her. She will be 2 hours away, which means 4 hours on the road plus visiting/meeting time.

* I am hurting because it seems being away from us is not bothering her at all. I'm afraid she will do just fine in residential and not see any need to come home. Then what will happen when she does come home.

* Buc started school yesterday. Home school for Bunny and Bubbas starts on Monday. Tuesday Buster is starting preschool. I think it will be good for him.

* Since I am not so occupied with Tator I am realizing Sissy has some major problems. She still isn't talking, which we had originally blamed on being spoiled and everyone talking for her. Now I am noticing how weird (for lack of a better word) she is acting around different noises. I looked up Sensory processing disorder and she has all the symptoms in the auditory category. I'm waiting on early intervention to call back with a time they can come evaluate her.

* I became an Avon rep. again. I sold about 10 years ago and decided this was one of the things I was going to do for me. Like I needed to add one more thing to my list of things to do. I'm hoping I can really make a business of it by working out of my home with all the kids still needing me so much here.

* I'm ready for home school to start on Monday. I need the routine.

Trying something new



Duckie and Bunny.
Yes, they are sitting on our dock overlooking our pond.
Yes, we are having a very bad algae problem right now.

When Tator went to respite last week I decided things really had to change around here. I decided I was really going to start focusing on the other kids and their needs for a change. I started making changes with the little kids with things like bedtime routines, discipline, etc. I also decided we needed to start family therapy to help repair a lot of what was broken with all of us.

I made an appointment immediately and I went in and met the therapist and told her everything about our family. I talked about each one of the kids and what my concerns were. We decided that she would see each of the kids individually to see how they were doing with things and go from there. Buc and Bunny went yesterday. Buc wasn't happy about it, Bunny was fine with it. She loves to talk, expecially about herself so she didn't have any problems at all.

They did really well. When they were done I went in and talked with her. She said some things that surprised me and some that didn't about them and how they felt. I'm really glad I made this decision to have them go. She is going to see them again before Tator comes home to help teach them some coping skills. Bubbas and Buster are going in a couple days to see her.

It has been a week since Tator went to respite. I talked with the respite provider today and she is doing very well. I knew she would, she always does. That would be the RAD. She's not trying to form relationships with this family. They are simply meeting her needs and that is all she wants.

I am still having a lot of feelings. I know I don't want to go back to living like we were before. I know I want my daughter to come home, eventually heal and feel like part of our family. I also want her to want to be here and I don't know if that is possible. I want everyone to feel safe and be able to relax. I guess right now only God knows how this will play out.

Last night before I went to bed I read this and it is all I have been able to think about since. God is the only one who has the power to heal her. Will he do it on this side of heaven?

Random Spring Pictures

this and that.....

• My homeschoolers are almost done.
• Bunny went for state testing last week.
• She has a few things to finish up and then will be done for the year.
• She is playing softball again this year.
• Bubbas only has Math and Phonics left and then he will be done.
• I am so proud of the progress he has made this year. He is reading, I taught him, and that makes me proud.
• This is his first year for baseball and he loves making new friends.
• Buster went to preschool screening last week and is right on track. Although I think homeschooling is right for our family, I think he will be going to preschool two days a week next fall.
• Some of the older kids went and I think he will benefit from it.
• Sissy is growing like crazy and into everything. I have watched her a number of times this week scan the room for something to get into while I am getting her out of something else.
• Oh, she also learned two new words. Shut up.
• She can now say Poop and Shut up. Ok, not feeling real proud about that.
• Coco is growing like crazy and eats like there's no tomorrow.
• She is sleeping better at night, but still wants me to hold her most of the day.
• Buc has started baseball and has practice every night. Which means we load up every evening and either go to practice or a game.
• He had another migraine the other night. He woke up in the middle of the night with it. That's the first time that has happened, but was ok because he only actually was awake long enough to throw up.
• I on the other hand laid awake worrying about him for a couple hours.
• Tator is still riding the RAD roller coaster.
• The anxiety of school ending is really throwing her for a loop.
• She continues to remind me verbally and through her behaviors that she can do what she wants and I have no control over her.
• Duckie has exams this week and them will be done with school for the year.
• He continues to work and spend time with his girlfriend.
• He is going to prom tonight for the 5th year in a row.
• They are hanging drywall in our house as I type.
• It is coming along very well and I hope we can be moved in in a couple of months.
• Shawn continues to be as busy as ever.
• He is helping coach Bubbas ball team this year.
• Me, I'm still treading water. Trying to keep myself from drowning.
• I miss blogging, exercise, and being feeling organized.
• There are too many needs and not enough time.
• I have reached a level of exhaustion I have never felt before.
• There are so many things I want to blog about, I know it would help me cope with my days. But I just can't. I don't have it in me right now.
• I am very thankful for my mom, some close friends, and my 90 soul sisters. They give me strength.

A free minute to blog

I'm finally getting a free minute to blog. Things have been crazy around here. Baby Coco is taking up almost every minute of my time. Or maybe I'm letting her, I just can't seem to put her down. I finally bought a m*by and I am loving it. My arms are finally free. I wish I would have had one 7 kids ago.

We are having some formula problems. We switched her to soy when she seemed to not be tolerating the regular formula (we had to do this with Sissy and should of with Buster) but since then she hasn't been able to tolerate anything else. Right now we're doing a mixture. We have an appointment with the Dr. next week. I'm starting to wonder if there isn't something else going on.

The holidays were rough around here. Thanksgiving is the worst holiday for Tator. I'm not sure why, but it went down hill from there. Her birthday, holidays, new sibling, and unexpected snow days all are throwing her for a loop. Her rage isn't so bad, just a lot of defiance. A lot of pushing everyone away. And it's sad to say but it's working, none of her siblings want to be around her.

Duckie is continuing to go to school full time, but his work has slowed down. Him and Buc have started a band with 2 other guys and spend most of Saturday jamming in our rec room. Talk about loud! I think its time they find a new place to practice. It's loud enough around here.

Buc had another appointment this week with his neurologist. We have decided to change his migraine medicine. For those of you who are not regular followers he suffers from confusional migraines. You can read about it here. He has not had a confusional one in a long time but is still having more headaches then he should on this medicine. The other has some side effects that worry me so I'm praying this is the right choice.

We have started to teach Sissy to sign. I don't know if I've ever mentioned it before but developmentally she did everything slow. From rolling over to walking everything seemed to be about 6 months behind. She is still not saying any words except mom and dad so we decided to start to teach her to sign. She's doing very well with it. So of us are consistent with it, others of us just think that because she points to something and screams until we give it to her she's just spoiled. They may be right but teaching her to sign isn't going to hurt anything.

I am dreaming of Orlando. I almost chickened out, the thought of leaving the baby and flying for the first time both were enough to make me want to stay here in my own little world. But I can't. I HAVE TO GO! I NEED TO GO!  I need to meet up with ladies that have been there. So I bought my ticket and there is no going back now. I'm even going a day early.

I hope to be back blogging regularly very soon. Right now I'm just trying to keep my head above water, everyone bathed regularly, homeschool caught up, clean clothes on everyone and food on the table. Actually I'd just like to get the food made. At this point I don't care where they eat it.

Oh yea, I almost forgot. We have a contractor lined up to finish our house. Hopefully we'll be able to move in by this summer. Yay!!!!!

Christmas 2011

I really wish I could post the picture of all the kids in front of the tree but since I can't post pictures of our newest addition and it never occurred to me to take one without her, you'll have to wait to see that one. So for now here's a few of our Christmas pics.

Isn't she cute!

Still my baby, just not the youngest anymore.

Buster was the funnest this Christmas. So full of wonder.

Sissy got a doll that plays the itsy bitsy spider when you push down on her stomach. She kept pushing it over and over laughing and bouncing up and down the whole time.

Bunny got a new scarf with peace signs all over it.

Duckie got a shirt ordered from another country. Although it was ordered in plenty of time it didn't get here before Christmas. So he got a box with a picture of the shirt taped in it.

Tator loves doing hair so she got a styling head. I hope this is something that will keep her busy for hours.

Buc opening some hunting thing. I'm not even going to pretend I know what it is.

Both big boys wanted amps for Christmas. As if it wasn't loud enough around here.

Bubbas opening his bow he had been talking about for months.

He also got a bag full of bird decoys. Just what every 6 year old boy wants. I thought this would be the best gift. He is always printing out or making targets to shot his bb gun at. I guess I was right, because we were still opening presents when he already had them in the Christmas tree and was looking for his nerf gun.



Thanksgiving Story by Tator

The other night while I was making supper Tator asked me if I wanted her to write me a story. This is what she wrote.
Once a pon a time thir was a turkey. It was Thanksgiving night. It does not whant to git eated. So, do you know what it will do? It has a fraind that is a indian. Now do you know what the turkey will do? You will laugh when you know it. So, it ran away. It ran so far it bummpt into a parade. It had pilgrims, familys, and indians. It was so interesting it ran into the parade. One of the indians had a gun and it was loaded. It saw the turkey. It shot the turkey. Then when the indian came home it ate the trukey for Thanksgiving. It had corn, pie, dressing, and a pumpkin pie. It had a big feast. The turkey did not like that. It invited the pilgrims, indians, and their family.
Then end.

Learning to read & Day 3 of our thankful tree



I'm proud to say I have another reader in the house.

Bubbas can officially read.

He's mighty proud of himself.

............................................................................................

I'm thankful for...............

Dad- Great kids

Mom- My family

Duckie- Sleep

Buc- My bow

Bunny- Dad taking me hunting

every day this week

Tator- A new family that is good

Bubbas- Daddy taking me places

Buster- My trucks

Gee, if it wasn't for daddy being on vacation,

and the deer being in full rut,

what would we blog about?

Somebody needs a new pet

A couple weeks ago we feed the neighbors animals
 while she was on vacation.

Buster enjoyed it the most. He would ask every day,

"when are we going to feed the shickens?"

He is so cute!

He is afraid of the sweeper and mixer, but he would

stand in the middle of all these chickens while they

pecked at the bucket.

Bubbas would hunt for the eggs everyday. He, on the other hand, was terrified of the chickens. He would wait until Buster was feeding them to find the eggs.

Bunny found a new friend.

 

Tator turns 8 and our thankful tree

Yesterday my parents took Tator and some of the other kids horse back riding for the first time. It worked out good because this gave me time to get ready for Tator's birthday party.

She did so good. I didn't tell her we were having the party when they got back. I just let her be surprised. She was a little wound up, but she did fine. With having a very over stimulating day I was prepared for the worst.

I was really proud of her. She's doing really well right now. As I type this she is playing upstairs with Bunny, which hasn't happened in a very long time. I hope this is the beginning of her healing.

..............................................................................................................................

We started a thankful tree tonight. Over the weekend Buc cut a tree out of construction paper and hung it in our dinning room. Today Buster and I cut out a bunch of
leaves. We're planning to write something we're thankful for on a leaf every night and hang it on the tree.

Today we are thankful for...........
Mom: Gods forgiveness
Dad: Shooting a Buck this morning and getting it on video
Duckie: The cross
Buc: That we live in the country
Bunny: Jesus
Tator: God
Bubbas: For my crossbow
Buster: God

Can you see where some of our priorities are right now?

What we do on warm November days........

We practice shooting our bow,

we do a lot of talking about hunting,

we get mad when mom interrupts us to take a picture

 on the way to our tree stand,

we practice shooing our BB gun,

we try to move daddy's targets around because

we think he'd like them somewhere else,

we jump,

we skate,

we swing,

we smile because we feel happy,

and some of us are so cute it doesn't

matter what we do.