Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Goodbye 2012


2012 started out as the year I got up every morning with a fussy baby, and a handful of little kids that tried very hard everyday to see what they could get into. Loved to fight and wouldn't touch a toy. RAD ran so strong through our house and I could not find any joy in my life. Although I was surrounded with the joy of my little ones everyday, at that time of my life I just couldn't see it. This was truly the lowest time of my life. I felt as though I would never make it through those long winter days. I felt that the kids were never going to behave and the baby was never going to stop crying.

2012 was the year I sat at home all the time while my husband worked at building us a dream house that, in my mind, we were never going to live in. I felt alone, overwhelmed, depressed and was sure our marriage would not make it through.

2012 was the year that I found out the hard way that family didn't have to be people related to you by blood, but the people who truly want to be in your life.

2012 was the year that I faced my biggest fear and over came it. I jumped on a plane for the first time and went to meet 90 other women who were strangers to me.

2012 was the year those strangers became some of the most important people in my life.

2012 was the year that I saw how serious mental illness can be and how it almost ripped my family apart.

2012 was the year I realized my daughter may never be able to to live in our home again and Shawn and I had some major decisions to make. I realized safety had to come first.

2012 was the year I realized that I had no control over my life and that I would have to trust God with every part of it. That I had to quit feeling sorry for myself because this was not what I had planned for my life and accept what God had planned for me.

2012 was the year we moved into a bigger house giving us all more breathing space.

2012 was the year we finalized our adoption on our 8th child and finally felt compete.

2012 was the year we reunited with old friends, made new friends and I mourned over friendships that were lost years ago because our paths went different directions.

2012 was the year I realized who really mattered.

2012 was the year I gained the confidence to travel with my children alone.

2012 was the year I started thinking less about others and more about me.

2012 was the year I decided I truly don't care what anyone thinks of me or my decisions and that I have to do what is right for my family and myself.

2012 was the year Shawn and I started to put each other first and really truly enjoy each other falling in love all over again.

2012 was by far the hardest year of our marriage.

2012 was the year I learned so much about myself.

Goodbye 2012, I have a lot of mixed feelings about you.

Hello 2013, I'm nervous to see what you hold.

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After a lot of thought I have decided that I am taking a break from blogging. In the last month I have run into some minor snags. First of all, Picasa will no longer let me upload pictures to my blog. It says I have used up all my memory space and need to buy more. It is very inexpensive and not a big deal, but my blog no longer fits our family. We are no longer, and haven't been for a long time, Seven From Heaven. So when/if I start blogging again I will be starting a new one. I have though about this an awful lot in the last few weeks and right now I just don't have the time to devote to blogging like I would like to.

I owe so much to blogging. It gave me Orlando and a wonderful community of trauma mamas and for that I am so thankful. I will be back, I just don't know when. I'd love to say when things slow down, but I don't think they ever will. If you would like to get in touch with me leave me a comment and your email address and I will email you.

Thanks for following along on our family's journey.

4 comments:

  1. To everything there is a season……I pray 2013 gives you rest and peace. I've been where you're at and I hope I can give you hope that one day it will be different. You will be different. You will be stronger and once again will touch joy. Love you!

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  2. I believe 2013 is gonna be the perfect year for you. I always believe that life is like the number 8. When you’re down, you will surely go up. And when you’re up, you will surely go down. It’s a never ending cycle. I don’t mean to sound like an expert, but just trust in Him. He will always guide you, no matter what.

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  3. It's the fact that you will always suffer from trouble and have happiness every year. Thus, you should be happy but not nervous about the future.

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