Tuesday, October 18, 2011


   Tator wanted to run cross country this year with Bunny and Bubbas. So we let her. She said she loves it. She went to every practice, ran, and had a good time. She was always excited when she got home from school and knew there was cross that night. She would get a snack, do her homework and get ready pretty easy.

But there was a pattern when it came to Saturday races. One was early in the morning and pretty far away so I didn't even try to take her because of her car issues. But the rest we're early afternoon. We would usually get up and start on some Saturday morning chores and once they were finished we'd get ready to go. Tator could handle helping out and was for the most part cooperative. Then right before it was time to go she would lose it over something. She would start to rage to a degree I knew I couldn't put her in the car. So she would stay with dad. Being fine and cooperative the rest of the day for him.

I often questioned why this was. She said she loves to run. I don't see that she does, but she never seems to enjoy anything. Was she doing this on purpose?

Last night was their last cross practice. They were going to play games and have a pizza party. She knew about this and seemed to be pretty excited about it. When she came home from school she was mad. We could see it as soon as she walked in the door. She started on her homework and quickly broke the lead of her pencil. This is something she does almost every time she does homework. She pushes down on the pencil real hard until it breaks. I told her she would have to wait a minute for me to sharpen it. She was not happy about that at all. 

She started saying she was sick and running a fever. She asked me to touch her head to see if she was hot. She wasn't and I told her that. She got mad and fell to the floor saying I was lying and that I didn't know how sick she really was. So I told her I must have been wrong and that she should come here so I could feel her head again. She did and I told her she was right, she had a horrible fever and she should stay in the car and rest with me during cross practice. She fell to the floor again screaming and crying that she wasn't going to miss the last practice and the pizza party.

So I told her to go wash her hands because she had lead all over them. She screamed her hands we not dirty and she didn't know why I always had to tell her what to do. When she opened the bathroom door she saw some gnats on the bathroom sink (yes we are having a gnat problem right now) so she totally flipped out and said she was never going in the bathroom again. Why would I not have done something about those gnats today while she was at school.

By this time she was totally out of control. Although I was trying to stay very regulated myself I had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing I could not put her in the car. I talked her into going to her room and she did stay there long enough for me to call my mom and have her come get Bunny and Buster and take them to cross.

When I went to her room to talk to her she said she was mad about a paper she had colored Friday night and had taken to school to show the class today. They were too busy to look at it and the teacher said it would have to wait until tomorrow.

So you tell me. What was this really about. The RAD in her that won't let her enjoy anything? A paper that the she really wanted to show the class and didn't have time to do? Or was it just reentry from respite this weekend?

I don't know. But the one thing I do know is, it will be a long time before I let her color and picture to take to school again.


  1. I agree. She would be in high school before I let her color and take a picture to school. As for the rest, maybe the RAD induced fear was too much to deal with anything that wasn't practice.

  2. This could have been written with my son's name inserted. Reading it was almost creepy for me to know that someone is living such a parallel life. I would love to bounce ideas around with you but not here on the comments. If you would like to "talk" please email me at patkel5 at comcast dot net.

  3. Sometimes you just want to beat your head on the wall and say WHY!!!! Why did this happen? Why did she do this? What is she really thinking? Why does she respond the way she does? I think I would like to walk inside my kids' brains but that would probably scare me to death!