Sunday we went to see Tator. We took her out for lunch and to the park to play. She seemed happy to see us. She talked nonstop about residential, how much she liked it and all the different things they do there.
She seemed very tired and distant most of the time. She never asked about home or anyone here. She did say something about therapy that caused us some alarm. She told us that the only thing she was learning is that she needs to keep all her anger in. She talked about some of the things there that are making her angry. My thought was that she is keeping it all in to unleash on me when she gets home.
Monday morning we had a meeting with our Mental Health Board and the res. was on the speaker phone. The meeting is still very much a blur to me and I am still trying to process it. I went in there upset about a number of things, first being that we had not started family therapy yet. That was addressed and we will have our first session on Sunday.
The one thing I remember the CMH worker saying in the beginning was that we only had funding for 20 more days. That was a shock to me, I had been thinking 45 since we had originally been told 69 days. I did know that we needed approval for the rest of the money, but everyone had said we'd be approved and everything would be fine. I assumed that had happened.
This only added to my stress. I don't believe I said anything other than my concerns and was never out of line, but all the sudden as soon as we were off the phone with the res. they turned to me and jumped me about all my anxiety. They said I should have taken care of that by now. Excuse me I had some issues about them changing the dates from 90 to 69 and now to 45 days. Not starting family therapy, her comment about holding her anger in and a couple other random things. You don't expect me to be a little stressed by now. Excuse me, but you just mentioned in passing that my daughter, who has threatened and tried to kill me is coming home in 20 days and we will have only had one family therapy session.
I am numb and tired. I am sorry that I still, after this short time of treatment do not believe she is ready to come home. I wish, with everything in me, one of them could walk in my shoes for awhile. Because, at this point, I would gladly give any one of them my shoes.