I haven't posted anything personal in a while. Things have been pretty busy around here. Tator has been doing better. Her psychiatrist decided to put her on medication for ADHD. She has been tested and doesn't have ADHD, but he says anxiety and ADHD have a lot of the same symptoms, and she defiantly has anxiety, so he thinks this will help her to slow down and be able to think better. We are seeing some improvement. She has many more "better days" now than she used to.
This morning I was reading a friends blog.( Beach Baby Blog) It was about her adopted daughter and how she struggles with anxiety. When I saw her little girl posing for her picture I realized her daughter has the same smile that my daughter has. Or should I say doesn't have. Its that fake smile. The one where she wants to smile, but just can't. We have always had trouble getting her to smile. I've never thought too much about it, just passed it off as her not being photogenic, until now that I've seen my friends picture. I just can't stop thinking about it. When does she ever smile? I just can't seem to think of one thing that really makes her happy. My heart has been so sad today as I've thought about this. As much as I'm trying to help her heal and she's pushing away will I ever see a real, genuine, from the heart, smile?
This is a picture I took of Tator with her sisters and brother on Superbowl Sunday. She was so excited. We were having a party, Grandma and Grandpa were coming over, she had a Steelers jersey just like her big sister, she helped with all the food, she was having a really good day. But does she look it?
So all day all I've been able to think about is how I can make that smile real.
Now I realize Buster isn't smiling either the poor kid wasn't allowed to take a nap so he would go to bed early. He was a little zoned out.