Monday, August 22, 2011

Being Proactive

   Last year there was a lot of triangulation over homework between people at school, Tator, and I so I am very nervous about this upcoming year. Last year she ended up playing us all until it ended in a disagreement between me and the teacher where the teacher felt sorry for her and I was basically the bad guy. Since Tator doesn't show her behaviors at school it was hard for her teacher to understand that she was choosing not to do her homework which was where the triangulation came in.

   I take full responsibility for what happened last year. I never went in and talked with her teacher until the end of the year. I didn't know what to say to her so I didn't say anything.

   This year I decided I would be proactive. At the end of the year the principal thought it would be a good idea if him, this years teacher, the school psychologist and I had a meeting before school started so I could explain RAD and what Tator is like at home. I was advised by her therapist to explain to them that I would not fight with her about homework, but really needed them to follow through on her loss of privileges at school if she did not do her homework. (the teacher last year did not follow through)

   So today I met with them. I have been thinking about this meeting all summer long. I was nervous and sick to my stomach. Honestly, how do I explain her behavior when they will never see it.

   I had a hard time finding information about RAD that explained that it is normal for her to have these behaviors at home and be fine at school. But I finally found something. I ran off copies for everyone in the meeting. I prayed and prayed some more then, with a very upset stomach, went to the meeting.

   It went really well and I'm very pleased. I'm not sure that the teacher really understood, but was very open to what I had to say. The principal and psychologist were very understanding.

   Homework was the big thing, I just explained I will give her one chance to do it and then not ask again. I will not fight with her about it. I asked that they be VERY consistent about what happens when it doesn't get done. Her and I have way bigger issues to deal with and because I refuse to make homework a battle, she may win that one.
   She is still spiraling out of control and I'm very anxious about this coming school year. I wish I could say that she is feeling the same way and this is why her behavior is so bad, but because her behavior pattern has only gotten worse since the end of March I have no idea what's going on in her head.