Finally Easter Pics

Finally got to post my Easter pictures. I haven't had internet for about

3 days so once again my blog has been neglected.

Maybe next week will go better.

Tator, Bubbas, Buc, Sissy, Bunny, Buster and Duckie

My gang with their cousins.

Coloring Easter Eggs

I have to admit I have never colored Easter eggs with my

kids until this year. I think maybe I did with my oldest when

he was real young, but it was so long ago I don't even

remember. It just seems so messy.

This year I thought I'd give it a try.

Can you tell how inexperienced I am?

Didn't even think about covering the table.

Buster wasn't to happy we wouldn't let him play

in the bowl of dye.

Not sure what color that is.

Everything was going fine, until Bunny decided to be

funny and crack an egg over Buc's head.

You know you have a large family when.........

you're at the grocery store checking out eggs, decorating kits,

and candy for your kids Easter baskets and the cashier asks

 "Are you having an Easter party?"

I didn't even think I had bought that much.

blog challenge-having fun

Sarah (The Many Stars that Guide Us) is doing a blog challenge and I decided to participate.

 Her challenge was called Having fun with my child.

One of the things Tator really enjoys is when I paint her

 finger and toe nails. I don't do this very often, because

 it always ends in a big mess with so many little ones around.

I had bought her new yellow nail polish to match her Easter dress.

So Saturday I painted her finger and toe nails.

She really enjoyed it and I know it made her feel extra

special on Easter.

Thanks for the challenge Sarah.

Busy and Drained

Oh my gosh what a week.

Monday we started by hitting school full force. I had a lot I wanted to accomplish at home this week. Plus many appointments on top of baseball games and softball practices.

Bunny is working on a report on Italy right now. This is her first report so it requires a lot of help from me making it hard for me to get house hold things done.  Buster has also had a cold so he has been up at night, making him very grouchy during the day. Not to mention me being more tired than usual.

Tuesday Buc came home with a migraine again. It was worse than usual. He started talking funny and the side of his mouth went numb again. I was really scared. He threw up right away and then his mouth went back to normal. He was in alot of pain all day. I ended up sitting by him watching him, making sure he never got confused or his mouth went numb again. That didn't happen, but his headache never let up until evening. 

Wednesday we spent all day at his neurologist. We actually had a follow-up appointment scheduled with her anyway so that worked out well. She's decided to increase the dose of his preventative medicine since it's not preventing his migraines. I hope this works because his headaches are getting really scary for me.

Thursday was filled with me running around trying to catch up on everything at home I didn't get done on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Friday I ran errands all day trying to get ready for Easter.

Because I was so busy and emotionally drained this week my blog was neglected. But I'm back and I've got alot of memories to record.

Have a great Easter everyone.

Sunday Morning Blues

   Here I sit on another Sunday morning feeling sorry for myself. Shawn has taken Buc hunting for youth turkey season and I'm stuck at home.

   Tator woke me up this morning by jumping on and off her bed. So I knew trying to take her to church just wouldn't work. There was no way she'd be regulated enough to sit through the service. Duckie took some of the kids, so its a little more quiet here than normal, but I'm sure it won't stay that way.

   This is usually how Sundays work for us. One of us goes and takes all the kids, one stays home with Tator. We've only been to church a couple times since Thanksgiving as a family. I wonder if this is how it will always be? I wonder if Tator hates church so much that she starts out our Sunday mornings in a mood, so we just don't even try? Does she know she's winning?

   When I talked to her therapist about it she said because she's developmentally two she just can't handle church. So one of us should just stay home with her. I don't know, I think she's playing us. She's so smart and has told me numerous times that she is God so she doesn't have to listen to anyone. I really think she doesn't want to go so she plays her games.

   I never tell her she's why were staying home. Today it was, dad and Buc are going hunting and I have to stay home to plan Duckies graduation party. But I'm sure she can figure it out. I would never underestimate her. She is after all, the only one of the kids that remembered it was Palm Sunday.

Derailing

   Tator loves routine. She is usually in bed at the same time everynight, because we haven't had a lot going on in the evenings, so we haven't had to go anywhere. Her routine has stayed pretty much the same for weeks.

   Thursday night Bunny had softball practice which caused us to be out an hour past Tators bedtime. I was sick driving home knowing that when we got there Tator was going to find something to throw a fit about. I could tell by her body language in the car it wasn't going to be pretty.

   After I parked the car and started to unload the little ones I looked right at her and said "I'm ready for whatever you want to dish out. I realize its way past your bedtime and your totally out of routine. We're going to walk straight in the house, go to the bathroom, brush out teeth and go straight up to bed. Anything you want to throw a fit about on the way there is fine. I'm ready for it."

   She said "she wasn't going to throw a fit about anything." She did coroperate until we got to her bedroom. She started to go on about how bad her room smelled (looking for a fight) and how she didn't understand why she had to have that room and couldn't share with someone else.

   So I did what I call derailing. Now if your reading this and you aren't parenting a child from hard places this will make absolutely no sense at all to you and you will think I'm a total nut, if you don't think that already. But if you are parenting a child from hard places you'll totally get it.

    So I leaned over, gave her a big hug and kiss and said "Good morning, I'll see you on Monday" turned around and walked out of the room.

   There you have it. That is what I call derailing. I stopped her from going into a total fit over how her room smelled. Instead I left giving her something to think about. She was like "what" and started to laugh. Seeings how it was Thursday night and I would see her in the morning (Friday).

   Which by the way her room does have a mysterious smell and I can't figure out what it is.

First Trip to the Dentist

Yesterday Buster had his first trip to the dentist.

Since getting a haircut is so traumatic for him I was really

worried about how it would go. But he did great.



Raising Your Children With No Regrets

   For weeks now, ok months, I have been questioning Why? Why did God finally let me get pregnant again after going through all the foster classes to adopt? Why did God ask me to raise a child with RAD? Why did he give me two more little ones after that totalling 3 younger than her? Why, why, why? Why would he ask me to help my child through healing and attaching at the same time as raising 3 younger ones? Does he not know there's only so much of me? Only so much I can take?

   At different times in my life I was praying for something or questioning God on different things, and God has answered me by basically smacking me up side the head. I don't get little, subtle hints. God knows me better than anyone else and he knows I just need to be smacked upside the head to get it.

   So the other day I started the book Raising Your Children With No Regrets by Catherine Hickem. I knew as soon as I started reading the introduction this was going to be a good one. It was going to give me many of those Ah ha moments. Then I got to the end of the introduction, the introduction, not even to the first chapter and there was a scripture that said,

   For everyone who has given much,

 much will be demanded; and from the one who has been

 entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Luke 12:48

   Followed by 2 questions:

      1. If God has trusted you with your children, what do you think it says about His opinion of you?

      2. If "much more" is asked of those who've been entrusted with much, what "much more" is God asking of you as a mother?

   There it was Smack right upside the head.

   Quit asking, just do it, just except it. He obviously trusted you. God thought you could handle a child with RAD, teenage boys, and babies all at the same time. I guess I should start having more faith in myself.

 

Back on Zoloft

   We have decided to put Tator back on Zoloft. Her psychiatrist had us decrease the Risperidone for 5 days to see if that helped with her mood. If it didn't help then we were supposed to put her back on the Zoloft. Then we'd know the Zoloft was doing more than we thought it was.

   We stuck out her moodiness until today when we were supposed to decide if we were going to start her back up on it. And we decided that's what is best for her. She needed to go back on it.

  She's had a rough weekend, a bad morning, and as a matter of fact the last couple weeks have been hard on her. I just really hope it was the switch in her meds that sent her for a loop and that it's going to get better again, or at least manageable, which was where we were before.

   She's just so mad. She couldn't bond with me right now if she wanted to. She's way to disregulated. ODD had its way with me for the past couple of weeks and its just so frustrating.

   She did let me rock her tonight, but she usually does.  As she laid her head on my chest, I held her real close and pretended she loved me, because deep down I think she does. I held her close and listened to her breathing, wondering what she was thinking or who she was thinking about. I even pretended she was thinking about me when I'm sure I'm not the mom she was thinking about. I know its a long shot, but right now its all I got.

We Like Wednesday

Over Spring Break we went to COSI.

We had never been there before and the kids really enjoyed it.

We bought a family membership and plan on going back.



Unpleasant Evening

    Tator had an appointment with her psychiatrist today. I hadn't told her about the appointment yet and  was very worried sick this morning knowing I was going to have to tell her when she got up. I wasn't sure how she would react. Her main reason for not wanting to go is because we usually have about a 3 hour wait to get in to see him. So this does not make her happy at all. I on the other hand don't mind as much. I enjoy sitting there and reading or catching up on things without a toddler hanging on me.

   She ate her breakfast and did real well until we got in the car to go. She got real upset saying her seat belt was too tight and yelled and kicked the seat most of the ride there.

   I had taken plenty for her to do while we sat and waited, but of course she didn't want to do any of it. So that became her problem. I, of course, had my book and was happy to read. We lucked out this time we only had to wait 2.5 hours.

   He thinks that maybe the increase in the Risperidone is making her too tired and that's why the increased moodiness. He had also taken her off the Zoloft because we didn't think it was helping her at all. Now were wondering if it was doing more than we thought.

   So we're going to decrease the Risperidone and see if that helps, if not were going back on the Zoloft too. I'm really not sure if I'm comfortable with her being on all these medicines, but she really needs help and I think meds are always going to be part of her.

   She did come home and do her homework from last night. But at supper she got very upset because we wouldn't give her any more food after she had clearly had enough. I tried to derail her by telling her to clean up the table and that sent her into a full fledged screaming fit. Where she repeatedly yelled "No, I'm not doing it, I'm still hungry and you won't feed me."  I told her she needed to calm down or she was going to have to go up to bed early and we'd be skipping her shower. She just stood and screamed "I was going to give her a shower and she wasn't going to go to bed until I did." Shawn and I very calmly escorted her to her room where she continued to yell at us as she put on her pajamas and got into bed. I kissed her good night and told her I loved her. I admit it. I left the room. I know I should have stayed with her and tried to calm her down, but I was just so tired of being talked to like that. Its been a while since she's treated us like that.

   I did go back up about ten minutes later and check on her, and as soon as I opened her door she started again about what a mean person I was and how I had ruined her night. I just kissed her again and told her I loved her.

   I know, I know, I should have stayed with her, but I'm just not feeling that strong right now.

A Simple Act Of Kindness

   Friday as I was out running errands and my heart felt as if it was breaking in two after such a hard week with Tator. Knowing that the rest of the world (well most of it anyway) has no idea what a mother of a child from hard places deals with on a normal day to day basis. I put on my baseball cap along with a smile, so the rest of the world would have no idea how bad I was hurting on the inside.
 
   One of the stops I made was to our local meat market. To stock up on beef for the month. When I went in there was a friend from our church checking out who smiled at me and asked me how I was doing. I, of course said, "fine" and asked how she was doing. I got my meat and went to the check out counter and waited for her to finish up. She looked at me and said "Bye have a nice day" and I told her the same. Then the cashier put my meat in the bag and handed it to me, smiling, and said "yours has already been taken care of."

   It amazes me how God can give me a "hug" all the way from Heaven in the form of another person. Her simple act of kindness was just what I needed.

Disappointed

   This week wasn't at all what I had hoped it would be. I didn't get half of what I wanted to accomplish done. One of the things I had hoped to do was bond more with Tator and that didn't happen either.

   I did spend way more time holding her than I usually do, but that was because she was so disregulated that she needed extra holding. Of course, she fought me the whole time. Saying mean things to me and telling me how everything bad that has happened to her in her life has been my fault.

   Who knows what brought on the crazies this time. Was it that we got so close last week and that scared the crap out of her? Was it spring break which meant such a change in schedule? Was it that her older sister spent so much time with her friends and not devoting ALL her time to her? Who knows.

   I'm still holding it together and not regressing. (I have a horrible problem with that.) But I am very thankful its Friday, I'm going to need a break real quick. My dear husband can take over for the weekend. I do think I'll take the other kids and go to the movies or something. They need a break from her crazies too.

   Last summer we chose to put her in daycare a couple days a week, because she just couldn't handle being out of school and the lack of structure. With starting therapy last fall i really thought by this summer she'd be doing somewhat better. But we have made no progress and I'm really worried about this summer. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't rage so much. But with so many little ones around I really worry she might hurt them. I know sending her to daycare a couple days a week isn't good for her attachment, but I have other children to think about and she just can't handle the lack of school structure. I never thought I'd say this but i wish for her sake school went year around.

  On a much lighter note, the hubby and I have a date planned this weekend. I'm really looking forward to a night out with him. Of course, I have a feeling I know what we'll spend the whole evening talking about.