Disappointed

   This week wasn't at all what I had hoped it would be. I didn't get half of what I wanted to accomplish done. One of the things I had hoped to do was bond more with Tator and that didn't happen either.

   I did spend way more time holding her than I usually do, but that was because she was so disregulated that she needed extra holding. Of course, she fought me the whole time. Saying mean things to me and telling me how everything bad that has happened to her in her life has been my fault.

   Who knows what brought on the crazies this time. Was it that we got so close last week and that scared the crap out of her? Was it spring break which meant such a change in schedule? Was it that her older sister spent so much time with her friends and not devoting ALL her time to her? Who knows.

   I'm still holding it together and not regressing. (I have a horrible problem with that.) But I am very thankful its Friday, I'm going to need a break real quick. My dear husband can take over for the weekend. I do think I'll take the other kids and go to the movies or something. They need a break from her crazies too.

   Last summer we chose to put her in daycare a couple days a week, because she just couldn't handle being out of school and the lack of structure. With starting therapy last fall i really thought by this summer she'd be doing somewhat better. But we have made no progress and I'm really worried about this summer. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't rage so much. But with so many little ones around I really worry she might hurt them. I know sending her to daycare a couple days a week isn't good for her attachment, but I have other children to think about and she just can't handle the lack of school structure. I never thought I'd say this but i wish for her sake school went year around.

  On a much lighter note, the hubby and I have a date planned this weekend. I'm really looking forward to a night out with him. Of course, I have a feeling I know what we'll spend the whole evening talking about.