I have been having a really hard week. I've really been trying to help Tator heal and as much as I try she pushes me away and I'm getting tired of it, worn out and frustrated. As her psychiatrist said the other day, "she clearly likes living in her own private Hell." Right now there seems to be nothing I can do to help her out and this is taking its toll on me.
As part of her therapy we are supposed to rock Tator for 15 minutes a day. Talking, singing, even "playing baby," the whole time trying to get her to make eye contact. Recreating memories she didn't have as a baby, trying to help her learn to trust. I've been doing it, but she is really resisting. Turning on her ways, trying to get me to engage in arguments, telling me things that aren't true, just to get my reaction, etc. But I continue on, humming lullabies to her because I just can't come to sing after dealing with her pushing me away all day.
I know this is all normal for a child with attachment problems to push away as you try to get closer. But I've really had a hard time this past week and I'm pretty frustrated. I'm just not seeing any signs of improvement with her right now.