Thursday, January 20, 2011


   I have been having a really hard week. I've really been trying to help Tator heal and as much as I try she pushes me away and I'm getting tired of it, worn out and frustrated. As her psychiatrist said the other day, "she clearly likes living in her own private Hell." Right now there seems to be nothing I can do to help her out and this is taking its toll on me.

   As part of her therapy we are supposed to rock Tator for 15 minutes a day. Talking, singing, even "playing baby," the whole time trying to get her to make eye contact. Recreating memories she didn't have as a baby, trying to help her learn to trust. I've been doing it, but she is really resisting. Turning on her ways, trying to get me to engage in arguments, telling me things that aren't true, just to get my reaction, etc. But I continue on, humming lullabies to her because I just can't come to sing after dealing with her pushing me away all day.
   I know this is all normal for a child with attachment problems to push away as you try to get closer. But I've really had a hard time this past week and I'm pretty frustrated. I'm just not seeing any signs of improvement with her right now.


  1. i know im not much help in this situation because i have no idea what all you are going through. but what if you took her to a doll store just the 2 of you and let her pick out a really pretty doll..sit with her in the chair with the baby and act like its her call the baby by her name and describe to her how much you love her and that you wont ever leave her. try to get close to her by getting close to the doll. and through out the day carry the doll around calling it by her name and maybe that will show her that your not going anywhere and maybe she will open up a little bit more. its just a sure at this point your getting desparate to find something that is working..good luck and stay strong.she needs you now more then ever

  2. Wanna hear a little secret? I would get so tired of being pushed away and my heart aching. Then I had an ephiphany one day. I would wait until J went to sleep then go rock her. Nothing's sweeter than a sleeping child and she can't push you away. No she's probably not going to make eye contact but you'll get to hold your child while she's not fighting you (hopefully).

    Another trick is to play winking games. Usually a RAD kid can't stand not to win so having them at ahead of you at winking will keep them occupied with eye contact without realizing it. I wink my right eye and she'd wink her left eye. Then I switch it up to the other side, then I wink twice and she'll wink twice. Just a thought....

  3. P.S. Do something really nice for yourself tonight. Fill up your love bank. Take a bubble bath, read a book, whatever works. Personally I'll hide in the bathroom sometimes. :D