Due to last nights snow fall and cold weather our school district was on a two hour delay this morning. So this meant that Tater would have to catch the bus 2 hours later than she's used to.
For those of you who don't know, kids who have suffered trauma when they were young never feel safe. They feel in order to be safe they have to be in control all the time. They love and need to have routine. When Tater got up this morning you could tell she sensed something was different. Things were off. You could see her questioning in her head, Why are my brothers still home they should have left before I got up? I'm sure she could even tell I got her up fifteen minutes later than normal.
Well it started with "my pants are to tight" (she wears these pants all the time they didn't shrink overnight.) So I asked "Whats the matter? I can tell something is bothering you" She answered with "I just want to be homeschooled." Well I obviously knew that wasn't true but I just answered with "Well not today." When she realized this wasn't going to change anything you could see she was trying real hard not to loose it. She even asked me to brush her hair, which she never does, because she makes it very clear that her hair is off limits to me.
She went on her way getting her breakfast bowl, spoon, and cereal. Sitting down and asking the same thing, the same way, "Mom, will you please get me some cereal?" I did, the same way I always do filled it to the top with cereal and milk.
She ate just like she always does then put her bowl away like she always does came over and said the same thing she always does,"Should I go get my shoes on?" So I looked at her knowing what was probably going to happen and I said "well not yet, there is a two hour delay so if you start watching for her now you'll be standing there for a very long time." You could see it, just like that, her world was out of control and she didn't know how to handle it. She handled it like she always does, a full blown Tater sized fit. I'm going to skip the details because someday I hope these behaviors will be embarrassing to her. Her fit did go on for about 45 minutes and did disrupt what we were all in the middle of.
But I am happy to say that hadn't happened in a week (and that's progress) and it also ended in me taking her in my arms and reassuring her that everything was alright school would still happen. She took a few minutes to settle down then came over and helped me fold laundry. So as crazy as the morning was I am seeing it. The little steps she's taking to get better.